


To be loved

by Syene (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Child Abandonment, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 00:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4413590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Syene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren never felt loved. Jean did, but the love was conditional.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To be loved

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I have no idea where this came from. Anyways a few trigger warnings for homophobia, emotional manipulation and abuse and child abandonment.

To be loved is a strange thing.

 

Eren Jaeger never felt loved, always felt unwanted. When he was a baby his parents apparently didn't want him and abandoned him. That was he had been told and what he believed. Eren went from foster home to foster home, his foster parents always coming to the conclusion that he was too much to handle and parting from him. Eren knew that he wasn't supposed to be loved and he acted on this truth he created for himself, not allowing anyone near and proving to everyone around him that he was unloveable. He fought, screamed and punched these truths into others so that nobody would even try to love him. Eren didn't deserve love, but he didn't need it either.

 

Jean Kirschtein did feel loved. But it was a conditional love. His parents would love and give him things as long as he played the role of perfect son. He felt like his life was scripted, every single detailed laid planned out before him on the roadmap that was his life, the path that he was supposed to take marked out for him long before he would even get there. Jean would go to this prestigious college and follow these courses to become a surgeon like his father. He would find a nice girl from a nice family that his parents would approve of. His father would pay for both college and a house for him and his future spouse to live in so that they could focus on giving Jean's parents grandchildren. Jean would get anything he could desire as long as he did not stray from their predetermined path. The few times Jean would try to stray from that path he would find out just how conditional the love from his parents was and they would yank him back by the invisible chain made of material things and their approval that Jean thought he needed. Jean needed their love and approval and did everything to earn and keep it.

 

When Eren met Jean he couldn't understand how weak Jean was. He couldn't understand how Jean pushed himself to do things that he didn't want or need just to keep his parents' approval. He also couldn't understand why Jean chose to stick around even as Eren tried his hardest to push him away. Jean would just kick and punch and scream back as hard, but somehow never in a way that felt malicious

 

When Jean met Eren he couldn't understand how Eren could believe that he was unloveable. Jean loved everything about Eren almost instantly, from his fiery personality and honest nature to his green, green eyes and tan skin. He couldn't understand how Eren could let himself believe that he didn't need love.  Eren had told Jean that he should go for what he wanted instead of what his parents wanted. 

Jean wanted Eren.

 

Jean knew that his parents would never approve of their son being gay. It wasn't in the script. But Eren was a wildcard, he didn't play by the rules and certainly didn't follow any script. And the more Eren and Jean fooled around, the more Jean drowned in those sea-green eyes, those lush lips, the more Jean got addicted to the noises he could tease out of Eren the more he started to forget about the script.

 

When Jean told Eren that he was in love with him Eren nearly fled. Eren told Jean that he wasn't in love because Eren was unloveable. Jean had whispered reasurances into Eren's skin and Eren almost believed him. But Eren was afraid to get hurt and told Jean again that it was impossible for Jean to love him. Jean simply told Eren that he was going for what he wanted like Eren had said. Eren started to believe that maybe he wasn't that unloveable if a beautiful creature like Jean Kirschtein wanted him.

 

When Jean finally confessed to his parents that he was gay he found out how conditional their love was from Eren's. They threatened to cut off his financial stream and severe all contacts. They called him a disappointment and a thankless child.

 

Eren, who had come with Jean, could hear exactly two minutes of the bullshit Jean's parents screamed at their son before he came storming into the living room and screamed murder at the people who had sunk their hooks so deep into Jean that he lived in a state of near-constant stress, all the while holding Jean close to him.

 

They left with a few suitcases filled haphazardly with Jean's belongings and the slurs of Jean's parents still ringing in their ears. The whole drive to Eren's rundown apartment Jean had cried softly, curled up in the passenger's seat of his car.

 

Eren always believed that people didn't need love, but seeing Jean, his strong beautiful Jean, as miserable as he was, Eren knew that it was only love that would heal Jean. Eren reached over and grabbed Jean's hand bringing it to his lips as he pressed a soft kiss to Jean's knuckles.

 

"I love you"


End file.
